Random

I’m Blank 💭💭

📆22nd August.
🎶I have no song in my mind as is but I sure do enjoy classics lately.
🍟I’ve been craving fries past two days yet I’m enjoying a vanilla yoghurt a good friend treated me with.
😊I feel freer today; the fact that I’m typing all these means I’m headed somewhere..nice…

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The month is almost over and so is the year and I have been dealing with writer’s block since both began. I’m not even sure you’d get this, but knowing you can do something but not having the strength to do it is indescribable. I have compared it to being stuck in an elevator because just the thought of it makes me cringe. It drained me, and the worst I did was trying to think of ways to get myself out of this state instead of just writing. So I low key feel like I previously wasted time and words that I would have otherwise shared with y’all. For this, and especially for serving you the oh so annoying silent treatment, I am sincerely sorry. Yes, even though sorry doesn’t cut it, I hope my words do. This could just be the beginning of a journey we’ve all been waiting for.
I put a lot on paper and also type a lot, but unfortunately, I haven’t been able to finish anything that was about me. Funny because that should’ve been the easiest to write, right? Wrong, it wasn’t and I was getting frustrated. I would vent to my friends and even cry when alone because I couldn’t get myself to understand why I’m not writing! It drove me crazy and I even logged out of my blog (ooh poor baby) so that I wouldn’t have to look at the diminishing number of site followers and viewers. I even sat and thought of closing it down and instead focus on other things.
And focus I did; I love a few things apart from writing and it wasn’t so hard to get myself occupied. Scratch that, distracted is the word; I only had enough time not to think of the reasons why I’m not writing. It still hurt though, I remember this one time my friend was telling me how much she’d missed reading my blogs and I teared because I thought, ‘Me too.: Each time I’d talk about writing my heart would break a little too much.
One thing’s a fact however, that I knew that at some point, I’ll get back on my feet. I would find my magic pen and wander away to the most surreal parts of my mind. I held on to this little hope that this dark period would end.
This is the most exciting part…. It has come to an end!!!! I mean, daaah, if you’re reading this then obviously I’m back to my writing spree. I’m literally getting goosebumps right now btw, yikes!
The past one month, I have found myself in very meaningful conversations. You know the kind where you leave there all rejuvenated, energized and nothing short of encouraged? Most importantly, I was challenged. Challenged to have more faith, believe a little more, not much. And to trust God through my actions. See, the key to trusting God is in acting and we cannot act defeated when His word tells us we’re victorious; more than conquerors! We cannot act poor when we have been called Royal Priesthoods! (I wanna shout right about now!)
Of course it feels good to think about these things but applying the Scriptures is the task. Our faith is tested in our actions… Our speech, what are you confessing? What are your daily declarations?It’s unbelievable, but I started writing this a months ago, and I’m still here. Deep down I kept thinking of my next word, next line and if it didn’t feel right, I didn’t bother to type it. That’s the thing with perfectionists, we over think everything trying to make things perfect. We often forget that perfection is a target in motion. Achieving it is almost impossible, buy we get close.
So I was motivated by a lady I haven’t yet met, well not officially, so to say. I’ll probably write more about her in future, but for now…. I’ll just say that you might be an inspiration to someone and you have no clue about it. You might even be wondering where your life is headed or you might even be on the verge of giving up. Well, don’t. Someone might be wishing to be on your lane right now. Why not rock it?
I hope to do this more often, even as we start doing things a bit differently. I’ll update you guys though, as always.
Cheers! 😄😄

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Christmas Merry

Coffee does taste much better on cold afternoons and this I just had to realize. I’ve been staring at my PC for hours now and nothing seems forthcoming. I cannot seem to find my words; one minute my head is spinning from a roller coaster of thoughts and the next I am completely blank. Empty. And some. I thought this short vacation would have me rejuvenated, ready to face the next challenge ahead of me; New Year. Yes I am a sucker for new beginnings but this one. Nothing has ever been more scary than this. I shiver at the thought of it. I don’t want 2018 to end just yet.

Don’t get me wrong. I have enjoyed this year. Most of it. Almost every bit of it, well I tried to enjoy some days. And some nights, though longer than others, taught me great lessons. I am definitely taking those with me, they stay with Mamma. There is a lot to say about 2018 but allow me to save that for later. You’re staying over for dinner, no? 😉😉

That said it’s high time I start typing. I have a story in mind…

Sydney felt distracted even among all her family members. It was that time of the year again. Her parents’ house full yet she felt so empty and alone. She couldn’t stand all the fake smiles and sweet nothings shared over the dining table. Why spoil such a great day? The food got her ecstatic but the guests bored her to death. She waited eagerly for sundown so she could take her leave. A simple excuse would do; an interview with some famous guy or maybe just her ill cat. They had to buy something.

Mum I can’t sleep over; I have an early one tomorrow.” This was easy for her and even though it broke her motherhood she had to go.

“Tell dad I enjoyed the steak. I’ll call you guys tomorrow to check on Tom.”
…..

Nothing beats the surreal feeling of being at her crib. All by herself. The freedom to be. Sigh. She poured herself some wine and stood at the large window. She loved this town. Despite every bad memory left of it. All the pain, the tears, the good forgotten days. The lost souls. Lost friendships. She felt tears welling up her eyes and this time she could not stop a drop. She let it out. For the past few months she had held it all in, but not anymore….

Knock.
Knock.

Wonder who that could be…

“Jack!”

Why would he even come back? It’s been several weeks already. I cannot particularly remember what we last spoke about but it might have been bad because I’m still angry with him. He kept me waiting too long. I don’t like waiting, especially not for some simple response!

“Sorry, come on in.”

“Hey Syd?”

“Hey Jack.”

“I’m sorry I went all MIA. I can explain… “

There we go again. The lies. They come so easy for him. He better not say another word, because I will believe him. That’s how I am. That’s what I always do. I just fall back in.

“You need to leave J… “

But he didn’t. He stayed. He kept talking. She kept crying and screaming. Until she couldn’t anymore. She just sat still and listened. She was powerless. He did this to her. All the time. Everything was okay. Everything seemed fine. Until he walked right back in.

He had all the time to tell him all this but had to wait till now? Unbelievable!
And all he left her with was pain and his Christmas note.

“It’s never too late to say I love you Syd.
Merry Christmas.”

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Faith

Relentless Love

The other day my friend was complaining that I was not grateful for something she did for me. I was certain I had thanked her but she expected me to act grateful, not just saying the words, ‘thank you’. If you are familiar with African Moms then you know how it goes right? They bring you something nice (especially clothes) and even before you fit or decide whether you like it or not they demand you to thank them contrary to which they automatically chant, “Ata huwezi sema ahsanti?” (Can’t you even say thank you?) As blunt as it is.

At first I did not understand what the fuss was all about. Then I had this strong conviction in my heart that there’s more to it than I thought: it is exactly what we do to God. Apart from being grateful for the gift of life and for all the blessings God has showered upon your life, are you forgetting anything? We have talked about it so many times and right now it just seems like a normal thing. You know, like it happened then what next?

So did we forget? Did we forget what happened 2000 years ago? Did we forget the reason for the King of Kings, our brother, our heiress had to become a curse for me and you to be free? Did we forget that we are the reason, it was our fault, for all the pain and anguish the Messiah went through? Does your heart sink anymore at the thought of this? Do you get emotional to think that He did it all for love?

Lord, when I am weary with toiling

And burdensome seem Thy commands,

If my load should lead to complaining,

Lord, show me Thy hands,

Thy nail-pierced hands, Thy cross-torn hands,

My Savior, show me Thy hands,

If desert or thorn cause lamenting,

Lord show me Thy feet,

Thy bleeding feet, Thy nail-scarred feet,

My Jesus, show me Thy feet

-Anonymous

How I pray that this poet’s words are our hearts’ desires well. That even when we forget how much our Lord when through for us to be set free, we will visualize the cross and be grateful, with tears in our eyes. Our hearts will melt at the realization that we has nothing to do with this. Gifts are giver-oriented and this, the greatest of them all, was only dependent on the character of the giver. Out of love a sacrifice. Out of love our freedom. Out of love forgiveness. Out of this extravagant love, chains were broken, souls resurrected and history was changed.

Love and Blessings:)

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Faith, Spiritual

Unlimited Worship

Have you ever been pushed?
-Like by Kenyan touts?
Close, but not really.
-Pushed down a cliff?

        It sure does feel like it most times. When someone greater than you gets you out of your comfort zone. Finding yourself in a situation where you have to strip off your comfort zone coat and walk without it. Naked, you will definitely feel the nakedness. Empty even. You have lost an important part of you. And for this journey it is necessary that you come empty. Leave the filling to the Master.

      I have had one of the hardest weeks this year. Where nothing really seemed to work and things got quite frustrating for me. The angrier I get the more emotional I am, so yes, this has been an emotional week. Getting angry over things I cannot even control, people I do not know and will probably never meet again. Why did I even let them affect my days like that? I do not know. What I do know is that I did and I got to the point of complaining too much and to God, blaming Him even (which is a sin).
       Sometimes life just feels like it is too much and we cannot stand another minute. Still, in these very situations, God is still with us. He taught me this through a special friend because God is my dad like that. However ugly and frustrating our circumstances are, we are still expected to serve in total reverence and adoration. We are expected to look at God as the loving compassionate father that He truly is. Sounds unfair? I tearfully thought so too. But we are wrong my friend. Wrong! You know why? Because God is in charge, knows it all and is not limited by time or anything in this world that He creatively and uniquely created and brought us in out of love.
      We do not serve God only when enjoying life but all the more when we are suffering. Paul makes it quite clear in Romans that we should glory in tribulations since it produces perseverance and perseverance, character and character, hope which does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. So yes, even at your worst, seek God earnestly.
     Do not even for a moment think that God does not understand us. It is often said that before sitting to write, stand up and live, because speaking about something you have not experienced is as useless as salt is to tea. The word was made flesh and dwelt among us. He was so human that he went through some of the extreme emotions that break us.

Max Lucado puts it like this;
“I’m thirsty. ” That’s not THE CHRIST that’s thirsty. That’s the carpenter. And those are words
of humanity in the midst of divinity. Just when we put our big golden cross on our golden
steeple, John reminds us that “the Word became flesh. “

        We find peace and restoration in the knowledge that God, our Master knew what it meant to be human, a carpenter and to be thirsty. What would stop him from understanding us now? That He gets it when we tell him to wait a little longer because we feel unprepared for the call yet all He asks is for us to trust. When we complain about a neighbor’s bad habit yet we do the exact same thing. When we cannot stop asking yet our hands and houses are full, He gets that we are just as human as can be and loves us all the more. This knowledge gives me peace. And I know that God loves me as I am and that He understands me even at my worst. God is a gentleman. Let Him be exactly that in your life.

Love and Blessings:)

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Faith, Spiritual

Who’s your rock?

For every house to stand, the foundation must be strong enough to hold it. And hold it long enough to stand the rains and storms of the seasons. As cliche as this might seem, our loving Christ used the same example to teach on firm foundations.

Matthew 7:24-26, NKJV

“Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be  like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.”

This applies both literally and spiritually. As Christians, we are called to lay all aspects of our lives on Christ. That He should be the Center of our lives; everything surrounding it. That whatever choices we make, whatever we do and/or say, wherever we go and whoever we let into our lives, be in Christ. Once we let Christ be our foundation, then we are assured of not being swayed by the storms. A certain writer said that when the roots are firm, we do not have to be afraid of the winds.
Unfortunately for most of us, we tend to sideline God when it comes to certain aspects of our lives. We only allow God to be in charge of the specific areas that we feel He should. How sad. That we cannot get ourselves to give it all to Him. How sad it is that we want to control what we did not even create in the first place. How selfish we are!
We have been given the chance to let Christ be the centre of our lives; our walks and talks, our relationships, our jobs, our studies and simply our all. It does not matter how you might have lived your life before, for this is a deliberate decision for us to make. To follow Christ, to become a new being and to surrender it all to Him. Placing our all in Him and letting Him let things flow.

                                                  How though?

Simple; By living according to the Word of God.

Psalms 119:9-11, NKJV

How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word. Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You.

Let us therefore purpose and yearn to be so rooted in Christ that nothing in his world could shake us or move our faith. Have an immovable week, one rooted in Christ.

Love and Blessings:)

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Hi, sorry Hello?

What is the best way to say hey to someone who you were so close then suddenly, drifted? You knew everything about each other and completed each other’s sentences then now you do not even know what to say?? If I knew how then I would have used that to apologize to you as well. I ran off and focused on other things and forgot my first baby and everyone else who has been a part of its growth. I have no justifiable reason for not writing and I will not even start giving excuses. Not today.
Instead, let me tell you a weakness I have and that I honestly do not like. I have been seeking perfection in almost everything I put my hands to do. I create this image in my head and expect it to become a reality. Then when I get to writing it just doesn’t.

Disappointments. They are brought by expectations and I have been one to disappoint myself for sure.

But something has been pressing my heart. God has been teaching me to trust whatever message He gives me to write about. He has assured to give me the words and that whatever my little head tries to say is not perfect is in reality perfect because it comes from Him. And everything that coned from the Lord is perfect.

So many words yet you wonder my point? First, I am sorry for not writing as often as I should. And for depending on myself to pass a message that was not mine in the first place.
Secondly, I promise to post whatever I am given. Whatever message the Lord puts in my heart to share with you lovelies, then I will. Because it might not necessarily be a message for me but for you who is reading this right now.
Thirdly, thank you. Thank you so much for your support so far. For those who keep reminding me of the existence of this blog and who send me encouraging messages, the blog survives because of souls like you. To you I send buckets of love and blessings. Let us keep moving, the journey might get even more exciting!!

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Mothers’ Day

       A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

Cheers to you,

Mums

Our first world

Our first world

Cheers to you,
Mums
Who find your strength on your knees
Whose hands don’t tire
To pick us up every time we fall
Whose legs never get weary
For running after our curious feet

Cheers to you,
Mums
For having courage
So much more than your make-up
For teaching us
To love even the unlovable
For teaching us the Word
The lamp to our feet
For teaching us kind words
That we use to light up the world

Cheers to you,
Mums
For always smiling
And carrying happiness on your shoulders
As if the world has no troubles
For being our favorite laughter
That melts our hearts every time a new

Cheers to you,
Mums
For your love
And for being you.
God bless you

-Juelz:)

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